Nulligravida (woman who has never been pregnant). 25 days until hysterectomy for PMDD

by msjekyllhyde

I’ve been seriously considering remaining child-free for two years now (I’m 35), and I am content with my decision, as is my partner – hence this blog. There is no way that I can possibly pursue my vocation with the degree of intensity with which I’d like to, AND be a good parent. Broody in my twenties, the feelings petered out as I began making art again (after a long break due to loss of confidence following depression).

I was expecting to let my fertility quietly drift away as I aged, instead I’ve found myself having to confront it head on since I learnt that a hysterectomy is currently the only permanent cure for severe PMS/PMDD twelve months ago (I am determined to be cured). I’ve found myself thinking about my options daily, and I’m so tired of obsessing over it! It’s so easy to over think, in a funny way it’ll be a relief to be past this in 25 days time, when I have a hysterectomy – I’m glad that the wait for the operation isn’t any longer. I wanted to share this Guardian problem page, purely for the insightful reader comments below it about the motherhood dilemma. This comment from ‘oommph’ resonates with me.

What I do say is “walk the walk” (a more positive spin on “don’t expect to have cake and eat it”). Go down the reproductive road, then don’t moan about over-population or fake concern about the environment. Accept that you will be a homemaker / provider for 20 years who will be watching her kid-free female peers living a very different life and often getting longer-term rewards that you won’t.

If I had wanted children, the advice from doctors was to have them ASAP. It would have meant not being able to have treatment for PMDD during the time when we were trying to conceive, so I would have had to go through the terrible monthly crashes again. Plus women with severe PMS/PMDD are at risk of having Post Natal Depression (PND), possibly very severely, which is a very frightening prospect (there’s more about this in the book Women’s Moods).

For women with the most dangerous kind of PMS/PMDD, it’s not an option to stop treatment even for a few months to try and conceive, as they are a danger to themselves (risk of suicide, self-harm, criminal behaviour). These women currently face an agonising lack of choice regarding future pregnancies and I feel for them deeply.